The Greatest Show on Earth

Jacin and George were scurrying about the house, actually it was mostly George — Jacin frequently, and by no design of his own, was pulled into the whirlwind that was George. They were already minutes late to meet Eddie and Jody at Pib’s Exchange, a clothing exchange boutique. Their mission: to find camp-fabulous clothing, wigs and accessories for a surprise birthday drag show planned for their friend, Leticia.
Leticia was their token hetero Mormon-bred friend, growing up in a white Latter-day Saint household alongside five sister siblings named Shayla, Tasha, Leila, Tia and Maya. The group occasionally discussed the irony between Leticia’s name and her avidity for black men, especially bald ones. A winter excursion to Jamaica two years ago validated the assertion when Jacin found her on the beach in a compromising position with a local member of the hotel’s house band.
When Jacin and George finally arrived at Pib’s, Eddie and Jody already had arms full of sheer and silky blouses, psychedelic skirts and bell-bottom pants, a shoulder-length blue fabricated wig and a pair of blaze-orange, wicker-wrapped wedges.
Jody’s expression was far less than ecstatic, she only volunteered to join them because her girlfriend, Kat, was in sessions most of the day, and she was frankly bored. Jacin and George perused the racks another half hour, slipping scarves and wrap-around skirts under their arms. Jacin howled at a costume bra that, when filled with water, a scenic ocean motif with plastic floating fish comes to life. To George’s disapproval, Jacin insisted on buying it.
The group hauled their load to the cashier when George confessed, "I can’t believe I’m actually doing drag for the first time in my life ... and I’m going to be 50 in two years."
"Don’t worry, hon! The six-foot hole I’m digging should be ready by then," Jacin quipped with a big smile.
A few hours later Leticia’s birthday bash was in full swing. Jody and Kat’s spacious dining room was cleared out and turned into a makeshift stage littered in colorful balloons and stage lighting. Two black buffet-size tablecloths were hung as stage curtains separating the dining and living rooms.
Cajin Spice (Jacin) opened the show with a hilarious impersonation of Cyndi Lauper singing "She Bop." The Finding Nemo water bra was a huge hit, worth the three dollars spent on it. Up next was Juicy Fruit (Eddie) with an oddly athletic performance to "Mickey" — everyone was impressed, albeit confused, by his graceful high kicks and other cheerleading standards in black patent pumps.
As the evening progressed and the Jell-O shots disappeared, the acts also progressed to near embarrassment. Cherry Popper (Jody), who refused to do dyke drag, instead chose to perform drag queen extraordinaire Pussy Tourette’s "If I Can’t Sell It" in nothing but a red silk teddy. It started out rather sensual, but quickly turned comical when a leg of the chair being used as a prop split and she tumbled to the floor, a magnifying glass-size nipple popping out of the teddy. Needless to say her new drag name became Cherry-pop Janet.
Tipsy Turvy (Josh) closed the show as an eerily-classic Janis Joplin, singing "Me and Bobby McGee" with an unlit cigarette dangling from her lips and brandishing a half empty (or half full) bottle of vodka.
After the performers stripped their drag attire and makeup — including an awkward moment cutting the fishnet stockings from Tipper Whore (George), which were hindering blood flow through her legs — and after the dining room was returned to its original purpose, they all sat down for a late dinner.
"So what happened with the one-night stand who called you last week?" Eddie asked Josh.
"I’ve actually been meaning to tell you all, but I haven’t been sure how," he replied.
"Just spit it out," Leticia dribbled, a sunflower tiara slipping forward on her head.
"OK. Now please try to be open to what I’m about to say," Josh started. "I know how unreceptive we are to new people coming into our group, so ..."
"I can vouch for that!" Kat interrupted, then smiling at Jody.
"So I’ve been out with him a couple more times, and I still don’t know how I feel about this but ... he’s married."
"To a woman?" asked Eddie, eyes wide.
"No. To a Great Dane!" Josh retorted. "But that’s not all. Shifting uncomfortably in the chair, "He’s also a staunch Republican."
The screech that erupted from Eddie could easily have summoned a Great Dane.
Once he regained composure he said, "I don’t think I could date a Republican, let alone a married one."
"It is strange dating a married person," Kat confessed. "I’m patiently waiting for Jody and Jacin to finally get a divorce."
"Excuse me ... what did you just say?" demanded George, projecting the evilest of eye at Jacin, whose immediate thought was he may well be the one to end up in that six-foot hole.
To be continued ...