Coons and Canasta

The mostly-modest residents of Blaine Avenue paid little notice to (or denied the reality of) the gay couple moving into a house in their mostly-modest neighborhood. Jacin and George bought the house five years into their relationship as an anniversary gift to one other. They had started out as friends, but mutual jealousies ran rampant as they attempted to date other men. Eventually they fell into bed with one another, fell in love and argue only when the moon is full or there’s no milk in the fridge.
This being Jacin’s third long-term relationship (that is, more than eight months), he was a little nervous but also enthusiastic about sharing the responsibilities of home ownership with his lover. However, it would be only a few months later that the butterflies raiding his gut would increase when he learns his parents are moving into a duplex four houses down.
Their quaint two-bedroom rambler sits on a quarter acre of land — the backyard large enough to accommodate their two rowdy dachshunds — Hansel and Gretel. The living quarters on the main floor and the unfinished basement offer just enough intrigue for their feisty Maine Coon cat — aptly called Freddy Krueger as she could strip the lacquer off a bowling ball in two swipes. If Hansel could talk, he’d attest to this fact, though his several scars illustrate it. Coons are a bit less domesticated than other house cats, and to allow them to wander outdoors would be like a frightening cross-episode of America’s Most Wanted and Animal Planet.
With Freddy Krueger incarcerated in the bathroom, Jacin and George hauled boxes into the house from the U-Haul haphazardly parked on the front lawn. Both hot under the collar because their friends Eddie and Josh were late to help them unpack.
It wasn’t common knowledge among the group of friends that their procrastination in helping each other move residences was a conscious choice. For most of them growing roots was like planting Birds of Paradise in the arctic tundra. Plus Jacin and George packed around absolutely everything they had ever obtained since childhood.
About the time the U-Haul was half cleared and the interior of the house looked victim to a home invasion, Eddie and Josh arrived bearing two 12-packs of PBR and a bottle of cheap vodka. The usual homo-hugs followed by endearing greetings like "about time you old trolls got here!" and "listen here missy gooch, don’t make me pinch your nipples!" were exchanged.
Though it was barely noon, it was also Saturday, so beer cans were fastidiously opened and chilled vodka shots were cheered in tradition to: "Here’s to the ones that we love, here’s to the ones that love us, but to hell with the ones and here’s to us."
Less than three hours later, the U-Haul had been emptied, Josh had recapped his previous night’s escapade with a man he picked up at Club Try-Angles (whose most memorable quality was that "he’s hung like a horse on Viagra") and George had dug up playing cards for a game of canasta.
As with previous attempts at the game, the foursome bickered over scoring and the rules — it always peeved Eddie when the players would advise each other on which cards to play. Why they all enjoy playing canasta no one will ever know — to an outsider it would look similar to a murder of crows pecking at each other until bloody.
Twenty minutes into the rotation Josh’s phone abruptly cooed Britney’s single Piece of Me. After the standard pleasantries, Josh just listened to what was said on the other end and the winter pale drained from his face.
"What’s wrong?" George asked after Josh hung up the phone.
"That was the guy I hooked up with last night," Josh replied looking flustered.
"What did he say?"
"I don’t want to talk about right now ... I need a shot!"
Eddie, Jacin and George knew better than to force it out of him — he would talk about it when he was ready.
Suddenly, a high-pitch screech emanated from behind the bathroom door.
"We forgot about Freddy," George said.
He opened the door and the cat barreled out of the bathroom; Freddy nearly skid into Josh, hissed at him with contempt then scrammed down the stairs.
To be continued ...